Monday, December 15, 2008

Give credit where credit is due

I have always been a perfectionist, always pushed myself to do the absolute best by anyone's standards. That is just flippin' exhausting! However, when I do put other people aside, I find that my own standards are pretty high. I expect a lot from myself, especially when it comes to school.

Sometimes I get really frustrated because I feel like people don't understand the hard work it takes to continue to excel in college. It is HARD work...this is not something that you just coast through, it takes very hard work. So, when I share my excitement about my grades with people close to me, I get discouraged when I get a 'whatever' response like "cool" lol. Ugh, ESPECIALLY from my husband! Of all people, he should be pretty darn excited, but all I get out of him is a 'that's great' or 'neat'

I have a 4.0, I've made the dean's's all a very big deal to me. Yet some don't understand why it's such a big deal. This isn't easy; I put everything I have in to school, often making sacrifices that I really don't want to make. My freedom is a good example. Rather than go out, I have a paper to write. Rather than do ______, I have homework and reading to do. This takes up a lot of time, but it is so important to me to do well in school, to continue to get A's. It's just simply not an option to get any less than that, and if that happens, I can't even begin to describe how that will devastate me.

Perfectionist...I guess everyone has their cross to bear. Sometimes perfectionism can be a blessing, but other times it can be a curse. Getting less than an A for me means failure, and that sends me down a really bummer path that I usually don't recover from. It's exactly what happened in school when I was bad grade and I was done. Never excelled after that, just did what I could to get by. I don't want to, no, I CAN'T repeat that.

Sometimes I wonder if it's the lack of encouragement that gets to me. It would be nice if people asked about it, or if Brandon could take the boys for a bit while I get ahead on my assignments. Instead, I tend to feel like it's a burden when I do homework. I try to do it when he's not around so that he doesn't feel like he's obligated to take the boys, because I feel like he doesn't want to. Maybe just a little extra encouragement, support, and help is what I need. But, how do you explain that to someone? He doesn't really understand, and I don't think anyone understands, that while a B or C might be acceptable to them, it's not to me. I don't know, maybe I should just lighten up...then I would feel like I'm not putting my all in to a class and I'd feel guilty. It's just a vicious cycle.


dana said...

I think your 4.0 is fabulous, i've never had a 4.0 before and i know how much effort it took for me just to get a 3.5! Its an amazing acomplishment and i will take your boys anytime (from friday to sunday, beging january lol) that you need me to to get your homework done!

Congratulations again!