Wednesday, January 13, 2010

So...

So, I took a two-month hiatus from blogging. I really hate doing that, but with the busyness of the holidays and everything going on, I just haven't had the motivation.

Plus, I've been looking for some motivation/inspiration somewhere. Mine seems to be lacking and I'm hating it. I feel like a lost sheep...so where the heck is my Father?

Sometimes I feel abandoned by God. Things haven't gone particularly great in the past few years, and I know He has a purpose, but I am constantly wondering what it is and why I'm so unhappy and void of emotion except anger, anxiety, and sadness. "Turn to the Bible" people tell me, and I do, only to find myself convicted of something and forced to face yet *another* thing that I need to change. It's all so overwhelming.

We all go through seasons in our spirituality, so I'm hoping that I'm in a winter-like season in my spirituality; where the days are shorter and darker, the weather is bad, I'm not able to get anywhere...but I don't despair because Spring is just around the corner; the days get longer and brighter, and the sun kisses the Earth and brings new life for us to enjoy.

I'm cautiously optimistic, and I've been waiting for this "spring-like" season to start for over a year. I hate to say I'm getting impatient, but I am definitely beginning to question God's plan for me, my family, and my life...am I doing something wrong? Are my priorities wrong? Should I quit school and focus on the family more? WHAT does he want me to do? I know he listens, I know he has a purpose, and my issues are primarily with ME not being able to accept His plan, heck, I hate that I hate not KNOWING his plan for me!

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