Saturday, November 9, 2013

Motherhood: In the trenches

Now that we're on baby number 5, most people assume that I have it "all figured out". Well, I have a confession to make: I have no idea what I'm doing. The funny this is that each baby is different, each one has their own idiosyncrasies and things that they like and dislike...it takes time to figure them all out. Just because I've had four babies before does not mean I "have it all figured out". Sure, the things like diaper changes and bathing are the same, but even figuring out nursing with this new little babe has been a challenge. I've learned that she's quite picky-she doesn't like to nurse on my right side at night for some odd reason, and she has to be held *just so* if I want her to eat! She hates button-up outfits, I presume because it takes too long for me to get them buttoned, and she also doesn't like hats on her head. She LOVES her swing, loves blankets, and hates tummy time. 

The truth is, my fifth baby, my precious Violet, is kind of a difficult baby. She's not in pain, she's not crabby, she's just Violet...always wanting to be held, always wanting things her way :) In truth, this makes me feel like a total rookie when it comes to motherhood because all of my other kids weren't really like this. I could actually *set them down* and go to the bathroom...

But Violet, she's really putting me to the test. Some days it's a struggle not to get frustrated, but I keep remembering Psalm 139:13-16:

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.  

The Lord created Violet just as she is meant to be, she is truly fearfully and wonderfully made. She is a gift, and I'll do my darndest to remember that, exercise patience while I figure her out, and thank the Lord for her being in my life. She's here for a reason, she's mine for a reason, and at times when I feel like I have no redeeming qualities as her mother because I can't get her to calm down, to nurse, or to change her diaper without her peeing on me, I just remember that she's mine, God saw fit to give her to us as her family, so there must be something I'm doing right :)

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